Very Good
by Azrael-013
Summary: Even the greatest strategists had to start from somewhere, and Sima Hui's tutelage is the place. But with a mess of differing traits, egos and great minds of these budding geniuses, how can things be anything but anarchic? T13 for humor and language.
1. A Less Than Lively Lesson

**Very Good**

Genre: Humor  
Rating: PG-13  
Summary: Repost. Even the greatest strategists had to start from somewhere, and Sima Hui's tutelage is the place. But with a mess of differing traits, egos and great minds of these budding geniuses, how can things be anything but anarchic? PG-13 for humor and language.

Disclaimer: I own nothing except for my excessively played discs of the Dynasty Warriors series, Dynasty Tactics 2 and Romance of the Three Kingdoms VIII. Someone obviously needs to keep me away from the PS2…

This is a repost; the first time I put it on this site was sometime two years ago, I believe. I've decided to bring it back and see if I can't tackle it again.

From the start it will be obvious that this story is set a bit in an alternate universe, as I've compiled a bunch of the officers of the Three Kingdoms that served as strategists, no matter what timeline they came in, into one setting. I know Sima Hui trained only Pang Tong, Xu Shu and Zhuge Liang out of the other personalities that play the students in this story. But for the sake of an interesting plot and comical situations I've added the others that appear here. And I'm probably going to get a bunch of other references wrong since I suck when it comes to history, so feel free to point them out, except for the intentional one I just stated above.

Are we cool with that then? Very good. Now let's get on with the story.

Date Uploaded: 26 October 2005

**The Characters (so far...)**

Sima Hui - Is a mild-mannered educator who is brilliant when it comes to teaching his students, and yet horribly unattached, even oblivious, when it comes to other, simpler matters of life. His answer to most anything is, "Good" or "Very good."

Zhuge Liang - Undoubtedly Sima Hui's brightest pupil. He excels in everything he does, earning him both admiration and ire from his classmates. His success is made even more astonishing by the fact that he spends nearly all the lectures zonked out, earning him the nickname 'Sleeping Dragon.'

Pang Tong - Is a sly, quiet one whose genius is largely overshadowed by his less than perfect appearance, to put it mildly. He has adopted to covering his face, and yet still never seems to catch a break, having tactics fail time and time again, earning him the nickname 'Fledgling Phoenix.'

Xu Shu - Plays the role of the passive observer, usually overshadowed by his two other friends, Zhuge Liang and Pang Tong, both with personalities that largely dwarf his. Is a bit of a nerd.

Sima Yi - A student who thinks quite highly of himself, Sima Yi sucks up to his teacher and frequently reminds other co-pupils how much better he is compared to them. He is frustrated with the achievements of Zhuge Liang, and is determined to bring him down one way or another.

Guo Jia – Polite and charming, Guo Jia's agreeable demeanor easily throws off the other students. Despite his façade he is actually largely indifferent to everyone else and is blessed with a quiet cunning. He always moves calmly and deliberately, as climate changes, sudden movements and riding in vehicles make him quite sick.

Zhou Yu - The pretty boy of the class, Zhou Yu pretends not to care about his appearance but in reality is quite obsessed about it. He also dislikes Zhuge Liang, due to the fact that all the attention seems to unwittingly be drawn to him, and strives to equal him in the brains department as well.

Lu Xun - Is the baby-faced pipsqueak of the group, although is rising in the ranks faster than one would expect. Because most of the other students are fixed on trying to outdo Zhuge Liang, he has gone unnoticed for a while and has sneaked in a couple of victories of his own from the side.

Jiang Wei - the bumbling newest kid, who also has a penchant for being late for positively anything. Seems to always be apologetic for everything he does and has a tendency to act like a total doormat for the more senior pupils, most especially Sima Yi and his newest idol Zhuge Liang.

Lu Meng - The closest thing to a jock among the students; he seems to excel more in hacking and slashing rather than tactical planning. Actually does quite well in lessons as long as he puts his mind to them. Is more than a little rough around the edges and as a result annoys both Lu Xun and Zhou Yu.

Yue Ying - Despite being homely, Yue Ying may be the brightest student in class, although seems to always get overshadowed by Zhuge Liang. This may be because her ideas are often unorthodox and causes her fellow pupils to scorn them. Let's see if they keep laughing once that first Juggernaut is built.

Zhang He - Lithe, graceful and flamboyantly gay, no matter how much he persists on denying it. He considers himself merely a man in touch with his feminine side, insisting that lessons in art and flower arrangement makes it easier to score chicks. Right, we all believe that. It doesn't help that he usually gets into 'I'm prettier than you!' arguments with Zhou Yu.

> Little Note: Lu Meng, Yue Ying and Zhang He were added to the list after reviewers from the first posting of this story suggested that they be put in. Guo Jia didn't make the first cut, but I'm putting him in now.

**Chapter 01: A Less Than Lively Lesson**

In a simplistic farmhouse a few miles from the Tan Torrent, the rustic sage known as Sima Hui, the Water Mirror, conducted a lesson in front of about a dozen youngsters. All of them were bright, eager to learn, and followed the lecture as diligently as they could, ignoring the noises outside and focusing instead on their teacher's wise words.

Well, all right, so not all of them were as attentive as you would expect.

Lu Xun's stomach rumbled. He bit his lip and silently willed for his hunger to go away. He cursed himself for skipping lunch to go train at the barracks. And all for what? After trying to master his Spearwall tactic he had accidentally lost his footing on a scaffold and ended up flailing dangerously, only to land on top of Sima Yi, who promptly shoved him off and began to berate him like the overbearing chumpstain that he was. It had taken the reminder that they would be late for class for Sima Yi to shut up and hurry along.

Speaking of Sima Yi, the egotistical scholar sat in his place, feigning interest with the instruction when he was actually bored out of his mind. Still, it wouldn't do to let the master know that, and so he leaned forward in his seat and took notes, somehow refraining himself from doodling or concocting plans on how to disparage that loathsome Zhuge Liang in front of his master's eyes.

Out of all the students in the room, only Zhuge Liang was having no trouble focusing or understanding the lesson. This was largely in part because of the fact that he was outright sleeping, his head lolling back and his mouth half-open. If Sima Hui could see this he certainly didn't comment on it.

Pang Tong had resorted to amusing himself by stripping tiny pieces of his writing parchment, rolling them into balls and trying to shoot them into Zhuge Liang's open mouth. Of course if he scored a perfect bullseye his friend would no doubt wake up sputtering in anger, but that seemed inconsequential to him as he continued doing it, the impish grin on his face hidden by his usual scarf.

One of his makeshift ammo bounced off Zhuge Liang's chin and promptly flew into the eye of Xu Shu, who had to stop writing to brush it away with a wince. He turned to glare at Pang Tong, who simply flashed him an apologetic sign that certainly was not sincere. Xu Shu sighed, shook his head, and turned back to concentrate on the lesson and ignore his immature comrade.

Near the back Guo Jia was unabashedly staring out the window, making it quite clear that his head was nowhere on the lesson. It was much too hot for him and he feared that he might come down with a fever. Besides, he had read through this lesson a week ago and as such was possibly the most informed of the topic among those in class. Now he shifted, gave a small yawn and fanned himself languidly.

In the middle of the room and hardly dazzled by the lesson either was Zhou Yu, who had become more preoccupied with checking his appearance in the mirror that was unfortunately situated in a place on the wall where the uncommonly good-looking youth could admire his features from his vantage point. He would have to stop sitting in this seat in the future if he intended to keep up with the lectures; seeing his reflection served as too much of a distraction.

"… And that concludes our session today on the advantages of how weather patterns can aid in battle." Sima Hui said, signaling the close of his class for the day. "Now then, are there any questions?"

Sima Yi nodded. "Master," he spoke up in a pompous voice, "perhaps you could go over the useful tactics on how to predict rainfall days in advance again? It seemed vague to me, and probably to Zhuge Liang as well, as he seems to have decided to forego any advice and let the rains come and drown him in his sleep."

All attention shifted to the snoozing Zhuge Liang. Zhou Yu let go with a small snicker, as well as a few other students. Pang Tong stopped in mid-throw and attempted to adopt an angelic posture.

Sima Hui seemed unbothered by Zhuge Liang's behavior and simply smiled. "Maybe tomorrow, as we have already taken up too much time today. Is that all?"

When there were no other questions, he nodded. "Well then, I expect that all of you will practice the techniques I have already taught you, although please take care when attempting blaze or magic. I do not want any more repeats of the abrupt bushfire that nearly ignited houses within the outskirts of the village."

All eyes turned to Pang Tong, who could be seen smiling sheepishly, even through his scarf. That was the last time he got distracted by a shooting star while he waited for his practice fire to grow.

"Are we all clear on that?" Sima Hui inquired. When nods and noises of affirmation echoed around the room, he smiled. "Good, very good," he bowed to them and exited the room.

Sima Yi snorted in disgust at his teacher's laxness, but collected his things and followed, hoping to catch him before he went to relax and have tea. All the students also started to file out.

Zhou Yu stopped by Zhuge Liang's place to poke the latent scholar in the shoulder and in effect startle him awake. "The lesson has ended for the day; maybe now you ought to go home and make yourself even more comfortable by taking a nap on your bed this time, instead of the classroom."

"That's a wonderful idea, Zhou Yu," Zhuge Liang said with a yawn, rubbing his eyes. "I'll be sure to put your advice to good use."

The handsome youth scowled at his nonchalant backtalk and left the room. Lu Xun had skipped off before him, deciding to go see if he could buy himself a meat bun or two before he started honing his skills at home. 

"They sure don't call you the Sleeping Dragon for nothing," Pang Tong commented in his usual sly tone, grinning at Zhuge Liang.

"You ought to refrain from dozing off in class; Master is not going to turn a blind eye forever," Xu Shu reprimanded. "Besides, Sima Yi does not need much prompting to point out even your most miniscule faults to Teacher."

"Sima Yi is critical of everyone except for himself," Zhuge Liang said, brushing himself off and wondering why tiny balls of paper seemed to have covered his garments. "Now then, where are we headed off to now?"

"We have to get something to eat first," Xu Shu said with a grin. "I'm famished."

"I second that motion," Pang Tong said, swinging to his feet. He turned and spotted Guo Jia gathering up his things. "Hey Fengxiao, want to join us? It could be your treat."

Guo Jia laughed. "No, I'm afraid this heat is not agreeing with me, and aggravating it further by staying outside won't be wise. I'll take a rain check this time. You three have fun, though."

"Suit yourself," Tong said, as Jia passed by them and tilted his head before exiting.

"Afterwards maybe we should go to the barracks and see if we can't train a little bit," Xu Shu also recommended as the three of them also started making their way outside.

"A fine suggestion," Zhuge Liang said, smiling as he rubbed the last of sleep away from his eyes. "But this time, Pang Tong, I will light the fire."

"I make one mistake with the fire…" Pang Tong complained as he and his two pals stepped out the door and into the village.


	2. Unsupervised Training

Chapter two! I tried to get into the swing of things by attempting to read Sun Tzu's 'The Art of War' but mistakenly downloaded a baffling version that scrunches all the text up into the dreaded block paragraphs of doom. Not only are those tiresome but they actually freak me out a little.

Anyway, GX7, you suggested Cao Pi, right? To be honest I can't put him in because somewhere along the way I expect to be sticking in a bastardized version of the young Cao Cao, and also having Cao Pi there will confuse even me. That's what I get for making an AU story. But sounding his name out as Cow Pee was classic... I may have to steal that from you sometime, ehehehe. I'm weird, though, I pronounce it 'Tsao Pi'. argh, random thought.

Enough of my babbling, here is the chapter.

Date Uploaded: 05 Nobember 2005

**Chapter 02: Unsupervised Training**

Despite the fact that Sima Hui was pleasantly smiling and nodding to everything that Sima Yi said, even the most patient man had to have his limits, and the wizened teacher was reaching the end of his.

"� and that's why I think that in the next lesson you should put more emphasis on how to efficiently set off certain traps like pits and rockslides while in the battlefield," Sima Yi said, seeming to mercifully have come to the end of his near fifteen minute long babbling. Sima Hui's relief was short-lived though, as the pompous student opened his mouth again. "Incidentally, master, how on earth is it possible to lure the opposing troops into a pit set in their own lands? One would think that it would be highly obvious for them to see it in their own terrain�"

"Interesting, Sima Yi," the Water Mirror broke in, just to give him a break from more of his pupil's chatter. "That is a very good observation, one I think the class would benefit from hearing tomorrow. How about we discuss it then, hmm?"

"But master-"

"There are times for studying and times for resting. Right now you would gain from practicing the latter."

Sima Yi managed to keep from scowling in front of his tutor, and instead forced a smile that looked oddly disproportionate to his perpetually sour face. "You are right, master. Thank you so much for an enlightening lesson," he gave a slight bow and then reached over to slide the front door open.

Unfortunately for him though, this happened to be at the same time an object that looked perplexingly like a human hurtled right through the opening and smacked headlong into the snotty scholar. Sima Yi let out a yell as he and the other figure fell ungraciously onto the floor and rolled over like a joint ball before slamming into the nearest wall.

Sima Hui merely looked at the two groaning figures on the floor with amusement, and actually even let go with a slight chuckle. This went unnoticed by Sima Yi, who scathingly turned his attention to what he perceived was his attacker. "You buffoon, do you know that you could have broken a rib?"

"I'm sorry, but not to worry, I am built sturdier than I look," the other boy managed to groan out.

"Not you, me!" Sima Yi snapped, picking himself up and dusting his expensive outfit off. He glared down in revulsion at the much younger boy who also got to his feet with a bashful expression on his face.

"I am truly sorry," he said again. "I was in a hurry to meet with Master Sima Hui and just as I was outside I stumbled over a rock. I would surely have slammed into the door if you hadn't opened it."

"Well aren't we both fortunate then," Sima Yi said sarcastically.

"You must be Jiang Wei," Sima Hui said, speaking up and steadying the boy before he could klutzily trip over his own two feet again. "I was expecting you. Very good."

"I also apologize for being late, master," Jiang Wei said, bowing respectfully.

Sima Hui seemed to shake any consequences of that off and turned to Sima Yi. "This is Jiang Wei, he is my newest apprentice. Jiang Wei, this is Sima Yi, one of my most commendable pupils."

"It is nice to meet you," Jiang Wei said.

"Right, likewise," Sima Yi said, not meaning it in the least but his pride had been restored by Sima Hui's praise and that made him a bit more amiable than he would have been.

Their teacher looked at them for a while, and the light bulb could almost be seen forming over his head. Not that they had light bulbs back then, but you know what I mean. Anyway, Sima Hui, being tired and wanting to rest, decided to kill two birds with one stone.

"Sima Yi, Jiang Wei is to join his first class tomorrow with us, and I was supposed to take him around the village and the barracks. But now I think that it would be better if he had a fellow student show him the ropes," he said. "I would most appreciate it if you took him under your wing."

Sima Yi's first instinct after hearing this request was to recoil away in horror before breaking out into disbelieving laughs, but through sheer force of will managed to resort from such juvenile behavior. Instead the wheels in his head began turning. What better way to get even more on the good side of his master then by playing a guide to this new twerp? It would surely show his capability and responsibility if he managed to turn him from the obvious klutz that he was into a class A student. Plus there was that fact that he looked like the gullible type. Sima Yi would be sure to use that to his advantage.

"Well?" Sima Hui asked.

Sima Yi smiled, only this time it was more cunning than forced. "Of course, master. I would love to show Xiang Wen around."

"It's Jiang Wei," Jiang Wei corrected hesitantly.

"Yes, whatever," Sima Yi said. "You can entrust him to me, teacher."

"Good, very good, I'm glad to hear it," Sima Hui said, patting both boys on the back and in the process slowly began to usher them out the door. "I am sure that Jiang Wei will be in very capable hands. Now have fun!" and with that the door was closed behind the two of them.

There was an uncomfortable silence for a brief moment.

And then Sima Yi broke into a brisk walk and headed off into the heart of the village. "Well, are you coming or not?" he asked impatiently.

"Yes!" Jiang Wei said, running forward and mercifully managing not to trip over anything. "I am very grateful that you have decided to accept showing me around."

"Don't get excited, there's not much to see," was Sima Yi's curt answer. "You're not hungry, are you?"

"No, actually. I had something to eat before I came here."

"It figures," Sima Yi said. "Well then, I suppose that the most important place to bring you first would be the barracks. As a pupil of Sima Hui's you're going to be spending a lot of time there."

"Yes, I understand�"

"Come along then, we only have a little over an hour before nightfall," Sima Yi said, moving with fast strides as Jiang Wei contentedly trotted by his heels.

>>>

"Ow! Pang Tong, what did you hit me with that pebble for?" Xu Shu demanded, rubbing his shoulder.

He, Pang Tong and Zhuge Liang had just left the vendor and decided to go eat their freshly purchased meat buns over at the barracks where they could watch the other soldiers train. Well, that was mostly true for Xu Shu; Pang Tong usually preferred making fun of those who messed up while Zhuge Liang either stared into space or would pick a tree and go to sleep under it.

Right now though, Pang Tong had situated himself up on an incline. He grinned at Xu Shu. "I'm practicing rockslide, and I can't very well throw a boulder at you, now can I?"

"Training on moving rocks by tossing stones is about as fruitless as prying Zhou Yu away from a mirror," Xu Shu snorted.

"Not so! I'd sooner perfect the rockslide using this method than succeed in convincing Mr. Pretty Boy to abandon his reflection!" Pang Tong called back cheekily.

At that point Zhou Yu himself happened to pass by the outskirts of the barracks, plainly in view of them. He whistled nonchalantly as he strolled by, seemingly unaware of the large crowd of women who had started trailing after him, giggling to themselves girlishly. Xu Shu, Pang Tong and Zhuge Liang watched them disappear from sight, looking on speechlessly.

Pang Tong scratched his head. "Then again, he does have a few undeniable perks�"

Zhuge Liang popped the last piece of his food into his mouth and then stood up. "Well then, shall we get some real training done? I am looking forward to a good night's rest."

"As opposed to the rest of the day that you spend sleeping anyway as well?" Pang Tong asked.

Zhuge Liang brushed his teasing away easily. He stretched his fingers and then threw a piece of flint in the makeshift hearth that Xu Shu had just finished assembling. Pang Tong rushed forward with two stones in an attempt to get the fire going, but Xu Shu stopped him abruptly and went about lighting the fire himself.

Dusk had started to settle over the village when the purplish smoke started to rise from the barracks. A couple of meters away, Jiang Wei looked up in time to see it. "Hey, what's that?"

"Must be someone practicing," Sima Yi said with a frown. "Come on, let's go see who it is," he and the newcomer headed over.

It seemed that today was not one of Sima Yi's brightest, as the moment they entered the area the suspicious smoke immediately engulfed the haughty scholar. Panicked and not given much time to react, Sima Yi tried to retreat, but found himself near blinded. "What on earth�?"

"Hey Kongming, hate to break your concentration, but I think Sima Yi just walked into your little muddle tactic," Pang Tong said, tapping his friend on the shoulder.

"Is that so?" Zhuge Liang answered with mild surprise. "Whoops."

"He's going to have a fit when he gets out of that," Xu Shu observed, but not without a grin.

"Hey you, Liang Xie, get me out of this thing!" Sima Yi could be heard bellowing, inducing a couple of nearby soldiers to look up from their own training and wonder what on earth was the problem.

Jiang Wei could be forgiven for not jumping to Sima Yi's aid for two things: One was that the jerk had called him the wrong name yet again, and other was because the neophyte had become mesmerized with the serene-looking young man who was controlling the smoke. It was hard not to be; Zhuge Liang did have a penchant for attracting attention, even in his sleep. Literally.

"Zhuge Liang, I swear on all that is unholy I will-" Sima Yi never got to finish his threat as he suddenly walked right into a tree and nearly knocked himself out cold. He did end up flat on his back though.

Finally Zhuge Liang clapped his hands. It seemed as if at once a strong gust of wind appeared and blew the smoke clear away in big bellows. The fire also died down. Sima Yi's groaning, sprawled figure was uncovered.

As he stared up into the darkening sky a face appeared overhead, upside-down in his vision. It was Zhuge Liang. "Really, Sima Yi, didn't you see the smoke? That should have been a hint to not come closer. On the other hand you proved that my magic does work. Thank you."

"Don't patronize me, you repulsive maggot!" Sima Yi spat out.

"Easy there, Sima Yi, you keep making that face it'll stick that way," Pang Tong said, coming to stand over him as well along with Xu Shu.

"Need a hand?" Xu Shu asked, extending one.

"If it's all the same to you, I'd rather not," Sima Yi answered stiffly.

Zhuge Liang stretched. "So much for a day's practice, I'm heading off to bed," he turned only to nearly get blindsided as Jiang Wei hopped forward and almost fell over himself trying to get to their group. "Hello, who are you?"

"My name is Jiang Wei, I am Sima Hui's newest pupil," Jiang Wei introduced himself skittishly.

"Ah, another fellow inmate in our little institution," Pang Tong said, grinning. "I'm Pang Tong, that's Xu Shu and the ever tactful magician is Zhuge Liang."

"It is a pleasure," Jiang Wei said, almost bowing in front of them every two seconds. "Your display of arts is quite impressive."

"Thank you," Zhuge Liang said modestly. "But really, with a master like Sima Hui it can all be quite simple to perform. Well, sorry to run, but we were just heading off. Tomorrow, then?"

"Of course," Jiang Wei, stepping aside and letting the trio pass him out the barracks. Pang Tong gave a little wave and pointed to the struggling Sima Yi in the background, his grin still quite obvious even under the scarf.

Sima Yi finally managed to pick himself up, glaring at the gawking young man in front of him. "Didn't you hear me calling for help?" he snapped.

"What a remarkable guy," Jiang Wei commented about Zhuge Liang, seemingly not hearing Sima Yi's biting remark. "To be able to control something like that with such apparent ease� he must be most attentive in class, surely?"

Sima Yi crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes. "Oh yes, VERY attentive," he said sardonically.


	3. Of Swords, Scrolls and Broths

My enthusiasm for this story kind of petered out, but I kept it up in case I suddenly decided to get into it again. Well, it took nearly a year, but I have. Also I've changed a lot around, which will become apparent into the chapter after this one.

I'd also like to ask for any suggestions for other officers to add. I've decided to put in Lu Su, and I'm contemplating Xun Wenruo as well. I have room for two more aside from Lu Su. What do you guys think? Please leave a review and tell me.

Last note; the date appearing here in Zhang He's record is completely fictional. All the timelines are shot. Now, with that being said, on to the chapter.

Date Uploaded: 02 September 2006

**Chapter 03: Of Swords, Scrolls and Broths**

A couple of students had actually missed Sima Hui's class that late afternoon. Among them was Lu Meng. The usually restless student had found himself feeling pretty lethargic after lunch and had decided to skip the lecture in order to polish his sword. He was still at it when Lu Xun entered the dormitory that they shared along with Zhou Yu.

"Is that all you did this afternoon?" Lu Xun couldn't help but blurt out in surprise as he happened upon Lu Meng.

The buffer boy looked up, around and then shrugged nonchalantly. "Pretty much, yes."

Lu Xun sighed. There were always some students who cared too much and others who couldn't even be bothered to show up to class. He was about to head off to his room when Lu Meng called his attention back.

"Hey, Zhang He came by earlier to drop off those scrolls you requested," he said. He put aside his sword for a moment and grabbed two rolls of papers at a nearby desk. He then casually tossed them in Lu Xun's direction.

The younger student, obviously not expecting to be handed them in that way, stifled a squeal and caught one clumsily, only to get smacked by the other on his forehead. This of course sent Lu Meng into hysterics, roaring as Lu Xun glared at him and picked the fallen scroll off the floor.

"You have to loosen up, Lu Xun," he called to the boy as the latter proceeded to his room in a foul mood.

Lu Meng gave a few last chuckles and once again went back to what he was doing. He had barely given his beloved sword a few minutes of attention when the door once again opened and this time Zhou Yu entered, leaving his trail of admiring ladies outside.

If Lu Xun had already been direct about Lu Meng's slacking off, Zhou Yu was even more so. "You skipped classes today to polish that sword of yours?" he asked with obvious distaste.

"Better to stay here and do something productive than to go there and not listen to anything the master says," Lu Meng answered easily, barely looking up at his irritated companion. "Which is what I expected about three-quarters of the class ended up doing, you included."

"Your trait of assuming things about people without clear facts is unbecoming of a strategist," Zhou Yu sniffed, more annoyed as Lu Meng was completely right. "Besides, attending would have at least seeped some information into your thick skull."

"Would you rather I went there and fell asleep?"

"Why not? Maybe then Zhuge Liang would have had company," Zhou Yu remarked dryly.

Lu Meng chortled at that. "So the incredible borderline narcoleptic strikes again. What did master say?"

"What else?" Zhou Yu said with a sigh.

"Very good," the two of them pronounced simultaneously, actually even cracking a smile on the face of the normally too serious Zhou Yu.

Their slight enjoyment was short-lived, however, as the door was practically thrown wide open and a curious figure entered. Zhou Yu frowned once again as Zhang He strode into the room in a flutter of lace, sashes, ridiculous hair ornaments and the strong scent of perfume.

Lu Meng grinned. He always was amused at the very mere sight of Zhang He. "Well hello again, Zhang He. Two house calls in a day? Did you forget something?"

"Not quite," the odd-looking male student said, his voice in a pitch that was normally higher than it should have been. He smiled at them, holding a scroll in his hand. He seemed about to say more when he caught sight of Zhou Yu. "Really, Zhou Yu, nothing produces wrinkles faster than scowls as horrid as the ones you miraculously conjure up."

"I'm not even going to dignify your lackluster insult with a reply," a composed and yet obviously inwardly seething Zhou Yu growled at him.

"Suit yourself," Zhang He said in a bored voice, tossing his long hair over his shoulder. "Now then, I'm here to see Lu Xun. Is he in now?"

"Yes, in fact I already gave him the scrolls you asked that I hand to him," Lu Meng replied.

"Oh dear," Zhang He said with a languid, overly dramatic sigh. "I seemed to have made a mix up earlier on when I gave them to you, Lu Meng. This is the one that should accompany the other," he said, holding up the one in his hand. "One of those that Lu Xun has right now is, well, shall we say a, er, personal record of mine."

Zhou Yu raised an eyebrow. "In what way?"

Meanwhile upstairs in his room a perplexed Lu Xun looked over one of the scrolls tossed to him by Lu Meng, a half-eaten meat bun clamped between his teeth. The most recent writing on the paper had this on it:

'The 13th day of the fourth month of Jian An 8.

Today while I watered the potted flowers at my window I thought of Lu Xun. The dear boy is so adorable, and quite courteous when asking for a favor. I should get these scrolls to him by this afternoon, at least after class. Speaking of which, I may not be able to attend it, as some of the girls in the village happened to mention that a certain merchant will be around only for today, and I must look at his wares. I'm running out of scarves and head clips!

'A pity, as I'll no doubt miss an invaluable lecture, not to mention precious time chatting with Sima Yi and Zhuge Liang. Yes, those two are so wonderfully smart and actually quite becoming to look at, for young men at least. I am struggling with some of my studies. Maybe I should ask one of them if they had some free time to tutor me?'

Lu Xun blinked once, twice, thrice. Finally he spoke. "I wanted to study classic literature, not get incriminating and hugely disturbing information!" he groaned.

Elsewhere the last absentee from the afternoon class sat holed up in her room, sniffing profusely and cursing at her bad luck for having gotten sick at such an inopportune time. Yue Ying sneezed into a handkerchief and groaned as she looked up at the darkening sky. She would have to get a very good night's sleep and drink more soup and liquids if she intended to make it to at least one lecture tomorrow.

She drank the last of her tea and blew out the candle in her room, intending to get to bed early when she heard voices float in through her window from the street. Curious, she peered outside cautiously and listened.

"Sima Yi looked ready to pull your brain out through your nose, Kongming," Pang Tong's indolent tone came first. "Of course if that ever happened it would be amusing to see him try, not mention watch you two try to bat each other away with those fans of yours."

Zhuge Liang's reply was to flutter his fan in front of Pang Tong's teasing face. "Maybe I should practice on you then in order to be ready for it."

"Don't you think one 'accident' is enough for today?" Xu Shu scolded, although he was laughing at them.

"Oh come on, Xu Shu, don't be such a stiff, let him try," Pang Tong said. He turned around and cheekily patted his bum. "Come on, my friend, give it your best shot," he called.

Zhuge Liang's response was to boot him on the ass, strong enough to make him collide with Xu Shu. Pang Tong recovered and jumped up immediately to attempt to tackle Zhuge Liang. Yue Ying stifled a giggle as she watched the three boys brawl playfully.

"Hold it, enough!" Zhuge Liang finally said, cutting it off and smoothly evading a swipe from Pang Tong so as not to drop the container he was carrying. "Can't have me spilling the contents of this, even to kick you around, Pang Tong."

"You couldn't take Lady Chia-Ling in a fair fight and you know it," Pang Tong scoffed, referring to the village's old matchmaker, who was about seventy years old and a hundred and fifty pounds overweight.

"What's in that bowl anyway, Liang?" Xu Shu asked.

"Broth," Zhuge Liang replied, straightening a sleeve. "I bought some from a vendor on the way home while you and Tong were still too busy laughing at Sima Yi."

"What would you need that for?" Pang Tong inquired.

"It's not for me. It's for Yue Ying," Zhuge Liang answered.

"Yue Ying?" Pang Tong scratched his head and then put his hat back on, as it had fallen while they were scuffling. "Oh yeah, she's been out sick for a few days now, hasn't she?"

Zhuge Liang nodded. "Master has been concerned about her, so I'm going to pay her a visit. You two can head on back to the dormitory first."

"Oh I see," Pang Tong said slyly, starting to stroll away with his hands behind his back. "Come on, Xu Shu, obviously Zhuge Liang wants to be left alone with his lady friend. Four's a crowd."

"Anywhere you are would be considered a crowd, Pang Tong," Xu Shu joked. He waved at Zhuge Liang. "See you at the dorm, Kongming," and with that the two of them walked away.

Yue Ying pulled away from the window upon seeing that Zhuge Liang was indeed making his way towards her abode. Hoping that she wasn't blushing too scarlet, she wiped her face and managed to make herself look presentable.

It was her aunt who answered the door. The elderly woman looked surprised at first, but after being impressed with Zhuge Liang's agreeable demeanor and courteous manner she called her niece down to meet with him.

"Lady Huang," Zhuge Liang greeted when Yue Ying entered the room. "I hope I'm not disturbing you?"

"No, not at all," Yue Ying answered, not being able to bring herself to look up at him. "Thank you for dropping by. May I inquire about the nature of your visit?" she asked, as if she hadn't eavesdropped on his conversation with Pang Tong and Xu Shu outside.

"I heard that you were suffering from a bad cold," Zhuge Liang said. "I brought you some broth. How effective that will be I don't know, but I hope that it helps in some way."

"Thank you, that is most kind of you."

"Master Hui is also inquiring when you will be able to make it back to his lectures. I suspect he is starting to miss your contrasting input."

This time Yue Ying was certain that she blushed. She was quite known among her fellow students to suggest often eccentric alternatives to the tried and tested methods that Sima Hui often taught his pupils. While the debates that sprung up could be tedious, the old tutor did seem to enjoy the feedback he got from her and the rest. "I will try to make it to class tomorrow."

"That is wonderful news, but please, if you don't feel up to it, don't force yourself," Zhuge Liang bowed, indicating that he was taking his leave. "Well, I must be on my way. Goodnight, Lady Huang, and I pray for your quick recovery."

"Thank you very much, and good night too," Yue Ying said, grateful for the chance to bow and hide her red face.

Zhuge Liang gave her a parting smile as she showed him to the door. And then he walked off towards the direction of his dormitory, content to gaze up at the star-spotted night sky. Yue Ying sighed and closed the door. She replayed their conversation and groaned at her infatuated ineptitude to lace together longer sentences while around Zhuge Liang. "I am such a spaz…" she muttered as she trudged into the kitchen to drink Zhuge Liang's thoughtfully presented broth.


	4. An Outdoor Session

I realized that there is a total twelve main characters already, not counting Sima Hui, so I've decided to put in just Lu Su and not Xun Wenruo. And Dracling Unicorn, you asked the ages of the pupils, I picture them to be in their late teens here, from around seventeen to nineteen.

I'm also trying to finish up 'The Three Kingdoms' novel and I believe I only have fifteen chapters to go. Woot. Ah, well... Here's chapter four.

Date Uploaded: 14 September 2006

**Chapter 04: An Outdoor Session**

When the next day dawned bright and early the students of Sima Hui all headed off towards their teacher's house, most of them intending to give more attention to this lecture than the poor showing they had had in the last. When they got there though, the discovered a note on the door simply saying this:

'The lesson will be held at the eastern outskirts of the village today.' - Sima Hui

Lu Xun, who knew his master well enough by now to shrug off his eccentricities, simply turned on his heel and proceeded to the given location as fast as his legs could carry him.

When he got there he found that most of the other students had started to gather around a patiently waiting Sima Hui. Sima Yi and his new callow doormat Jiang Wei were on their master's right, Sima Yi characteristically running his mouth with his pompous air and Jiang Wei trying to hang on to his master's every word, even if most of the time all of his answers was the monosyllabic, 'Good.' Zhou Yu was glaring scornfully at Zhang He, who in turn seemed intent on ignoring him, instead concentrating on his likeness in a water well and humming to himself while arranging the ornaments in his hair. Lu Meng, restless as usual, had taken up a long branch and started to swing it around like a sword, making Lu Su keep his distance lest he got his eyes poked out. Yue Ying was in attendance, sniffing and blowing her nose into a handkerchief but trying to look as bright eyed as she could possibly be. Guo Jia was on the distinct opposite side of the class, as far away from Yue Ying as possible, as a safety precaution against catching anything from her. Among the class' usual inseparable trio though, only Xu Shu was around, bored and tracing figures in the dirt with a stick.

"Alone today?" Lu Xun couldn't help saying to Xu Shu as he joined the company.

Xu Shu looked up. "I was in charge of bringing supplies for Master Hui this morning so I had to leave the others," he answered. "Last I saw Pang Tong was trying to shake Zhuge Liang awake."

"A gargantuan task, of course," Zhou Yu noted with dry humor.

Guo Jia let out an unexpected laugh. "I once came by and caught Shiyuan trying to throttle Kongming awake. Let's hope he's not doing the same thing right now."

Xu Shu groaned. "With any luck that's exactly what's happening."

"Must we wait for the tardy ones?" Sima Yi's impatient voice then floated over. "For all we know Zhuge Liang may have decided to stay home and sleep there today, instead of in your lessons for a change, teacher."

"Must you disparage someone who can't be here to defend himself?" Yue Ying spoke up disapprovingly, making Sima Yi bristle at being told off.

"She makes an excellent point," Lu Meng commented, doing a few more practice strikes with the branch/his weapon.

"Oh shut up," Sima Yi said as scathingly as he could, only serving to draw an unfazed laugh from Lu Meng.

It was then that a shout came. "Sorry we're late!"

Everyone turned to see the arrival of Pang Tong, practically toting along a bleary-eyed Zhuge Liang with him. The former stopped at the group and grinned around brightly, even with the scarf covering his face. "Kongming had a little trouble getting up, to put it mildly. We're not in trouble, are we, master?" he asked Sima Hui.

"No, but in the future try to make it here on time," Water Mirror said, giving only the slightest reprimand as he stood up from where he was seated to start the lesson.

Sima Yi looked incredulously at his teacher, felt half-compelled to urge him to chew out the two latecomers but instead chose to wisely shut his mouth, settling for shooting death stares in Zhuge Liang's barely coherent direction. Jiang Wei, in turn, was still looking at the sleepy Sleeping Dragon with adoration.

"Today I will demonstrate the practical use of the torrent technique," Sima Hui began, going to stand in front of his class. "This is obviously quite a useful tactic to effectively damage your enemy's troops, provided that it is carried out under very strict conditions.

"First off, it need not be so, but the water used is helpful if taken from an overhead source," he continued, moving around. "In this case it is the stream that runs from atop this hill down to our fields," he traced the flow that he indicated with an index finger, "and right into the Tan River. Yesterday I had some workers hollow out a rut from that stream and contain the water that flowed from it into that damn that you now see up there."

The students looked towards the hill their master was signifying. A hastily erected but still obviously sturdy dam, held only by a few inclined poles and rocks, stood there in quite plain sight.

"In real battle, of course, you would benefit from camouflaging such traps," Sima Hui said with a humorous twinkle in his eye. "But today being an example we'll overlook it for the moment."

By this time Zhuge Liang had fallen asleep on Xu Shu's shoulder. Xu Shu, for his part, was just praying that his friend wouldn't start snoring. Pang Tong had busied himself with trying to detach one of Zhang He's flowery clips from the frivolous youth's hair without him knowing it. Lu Meng had resorted to tomfoolery and was trying to balance the same branch that he was using as a sword earlier upright on his head.

This immediately stopped once Still Water looked back at them. He smiled, seemingly satisfied that all were listening, and, once again perplexingly ignoring Zhuge Liang's snoozing, turned back to the hill. Pang Tong then went back to trying to pilfer Zhang He's head ornaments while Lu Meng attempted to once again balance that blasted stick.

"There are a few things that will seriously affect the usage of the torrent technique," Sima Hui went on, even as some of his students goofed off behind his back. "One is the wind. While not a predominantly treacherous factor it does have the power to alter the course ever so slightly, and even with a few inches off it can put a serious dent into plans.

"Next is terrain. This plays a much bigger factor. Trees, slopes and rocks can alter the flow of water drastically, enough to simply cause miniscule to no damage on the opposing party, or in worst case scenarios miss them altogether.

"Finally water supply, one of the most important. Obviously an overly gushing river will provide more force than a peacefully babbling brook. Keep this in mind; you'll want to submerge your opponents, not give them a pleasant bath," he chuckled at his own joke.

"Well, now that I've considerably bored you enough with the specifics why don't we witness the real thing?" Sima Hui suggested, drawing an approving cheer from his class. With his smile he turned to Lu Meng, who promptly dropped the stick and adopted a pose that made him look like he had been listening attentively the entire time. "Well Lu Meng, would you like to do the honors?"

"Sure, master," Lu Meng said. "What do I do?"

Sima Hui pointed at one white rock at the base of the middle pole, largely in contrast with the mud-colored stones around it. "Take a rock and aim for that one there. If you knock it off right it should trigger the entire effect."

"Right," Lu Meng nodded. He looked around and spotted a gray stone. Taking it and testing the weight of the object in his palm for a while, he reeled his arm back and then flung it straight at the white rock his master had indicated to.

The stone collided precisely with the white rock, knocking it from its place. Almost instantaneously the entire dam rumbled, shifted, and then completely gave way as a huge body of water flowed out from its confines. Things would have gone fine and the water should have flowed into the fields, but apparently something went wrong when instead of heading for the grassland the stream veered right in the direction of the class.

Caught completely off guard, Sima Hui and his some sixteen students were completely hosed down, the water relentless until it lost its speed and touched only up until the fences of the village.

After the brief chaos had passed all of them attempted to collect their bearings, despite the fact that they were drenched from head to toe. Yue Ying sneezed violently, almost knocking herself off her feet. This spelt more chicken soup and broth for her, whether she liked it or not. All the others coughed and sputtered, Zhou Yu complaining about his hair, Guo Jia about his condition, Sima Yi about his outfit and Zhang He about something called foundation that the others couldn't fathom.

"Master, what happened?" Jiang Wei asked, attempting to shake water out of his ears.

"Hmm…" Sima Hui looked thoughtfully at the broken damn, now with only a trickle coming from it. "There must have been a mistake in my calculations. Oh well," he said, smiling and shrugging the mistake off.

The students gave a collective groan. Zhuge Liang was on the ground, wet, sleepy and incredibly disoriented. "I can't believe you doused me with water again to get to me wake up, Shiyuan…" he said, still rather in a daze as Pang Tong and Xu Shu pulled him to his feet.

"Well that prematurely concludes our morning lesson," Sima Hui said, wringing water from his sleeve. "You all should go home and change into something dry. It wouldn't do good to all catch colds."

Yue Ying's response to that was anther gigantic sneeze. Lu Xun had to steady her afterwards.

"But before we do disperse I will have to quickly tell you about the project that the entire class will be undertaking over the course of the next month," Sima Hui called, stopping the departure of students.

Right now his entire class felt that they all just really needed to dry themselves off and put on clothes that weren't soaking wet, but they dutifully turned around again with sighs in order to hear what their master had to say. Sima Hui nodded when he saw all their attention was on him. "We will be playing a little game of war."

"Pardon?" Lu Su asked, thoroughly confused.

"You will split up into two groups," Sima Hui smiled, obviously very proud of his idea. "Over the course of the next three months you will plan, scheme and outline military strategies against the opposing force. We will have a mock battle at the last day, and whoever can subdue the other group will be the winner."

Despite the fact that some of them were shivering, all members of the class were still giving Sima Hui stupefied looks. This time it was Guo Jia who sneezed, much to the fragile student's consternation.

Not allowing this to dampen his own enthusiasm, Sima Hui smiled brightly. "Choose your own sides. Arrange for moles, attempt negotiation, buy supplies, recruit officers from the outside," he said to them. "It will be like the real thing, just that nobody dies. I am clear on that last point, am I?"

"So basically, master, we're going to wage war on each other?" Sima Yi inquired.

"Precisely."

At once various looks were traded among the students, some hostile, some doubtful and some excited. Sima Hui clapped his hands. "I expect to be informed about the group formation by this afternoon's class. Are we all clear on that?"

"Yes, master," the group chorused like elementary school children.

"Good, very good," Sima Hui said, nodding approvingly. "You are all dismissed then."

The students went off in near silence, Guo Jia hurrying, practically sizing each other up and forming cunning little plans in their heads. Sima Hui may or may not have realized it, but their mock war would probably end in one more real than most other battles.


	5. Choosing Sides

I was looking through my files and suddenly realized that I had up to eight chapters done on this story and they were just sitting around gathering dust. Well, it's about time I got around to posting them. Here is chapter five.

Date Uploaded: 28 March 2008

**Chapter 05: Choosing Sides**

"Two teams, eh?" Pang Tong mused, stroking his scarf like it was a beard.

He, Xu Shu and Zhuge Liang were seated underneath a large tree, eating bowls of soup and noodles that they had bought from a nearby vendor. A few children ran by, shouting noisily and playing a game.

Xu Shu shook his head. "Do you think Master Still Water is serious about this? I mean, a mock war? Doesn't that sound potentially dangerous?"

"Well Master Sima Hui has never been one to play safe," Pang Tong said. "Besides, I think it sounds kind of fun. Don't you, Kongming?"

The two turned to see Zhuge Liang stretch and smile peacefully. Pang Tong promptly reached over and poked him in the ribs with one of his chopsticks. Kongming jumped and fixed an angry glare at his friend. "What exactly was that for, Tong?"

Pang Tong waved the chopstick at him in a disapproving manner. "Uh-uh-uh, I warned you, Kongming, the moment you even look like you're going to doze off I'm going to poke you with this to snap you out of it."

Xu Shu started laughing as Zhuge Liang looked in irritation at their friend. "Sometimes, Shiyuan, I wonder exactly what forces in life deigned to bring us together."

"Those that wanted to keep you awake," Pang Tong cheekily answered.

Xu Shu clapped his hands. "Hey, focus, you two. Master Sima Hui instructed us to come up with the group formation and inform him about it this afternoon. I suppose it's safe to say that the three of us will comprise part of one team?"

"I suppose so," Pang Tong said, giving an overly dramatic sigh. "But I want you both to be aware of the immense sacrifice in my part on this."

"I see," Zhuge Liang said, having regained his cool. "And so you think teaming up with Sima Yi will be any less excruciating? I've learned that he's gone about organizing his own group the moment class let up."

"What?" Xu Shu asked.

"You can't have been that surprised," Zhuge Liang told him. "It wasn't as if he was doing it discreetly."

"I'm not surprised that he's forming a team so quickly," Xu Shu said. "I'm surprised that you noticed. I thought for sure you were still half-asleep, despite being doused with water."

Zhuge Liang adopted a pained look. "Et tu, Yuanzhi?" he said, even as Pang Tong snickered and twirled his chopstick.

At his dormitory Guo Jia held his calligraphy brush poised over a piece of parchment, staring thoughtfully out the window. He had quickly reached his room, changed out of his wet clothes and dried himself thoroughly, but to his irritation still felt a tickle in the back of his throat. He would have to gorge on oranges tonight to fight the onslaught of a cold.

A tinkle came to his right where Zhang He was removing ornaments from his hair. Despite the fact that they lived in separate buildings, Zhang He would usually crash in on Guo Jia whenever he felt like it. After a month of telling his flamboyant classmate that he valued his privacy and being ignored, Guo Jia had given up and let Zhang He come and go as he pleased.

"So, Fengxiao, what do you make of this mock war?" Zhang He asked. "I'm curious to see who will comprise the two groups."

"If it comes down to it, the two leaders of the teams will undoubtedly be Zhuge Liang and Sima Yi," he said. "However, Sima Yi isn't exactly Mister Popularity, and thus I think he will turn to Zhou Yu for help."

Behind him Zhang He brushed out a length of his long hair, looking at himself in the glass mirror. "What an astute observation! Now answer me this one question, though."

"And what's that?"

Zhang He whirled around and looked at Guo Jia, ornaments on his bodice jingling prettily. "Which side are you going to present yourself to?"

Guo Jia wrapped his robe tighter around himself and reached over to pick up his cup of fragrant tea. "I think I'll wait until they present themselves to me," he said with a smile.

It was quiet for a moment, and then Zhang He cleared his throat impatiently. "Well? Aren't you going to ask me which side I would choose?"

"That's not necessary, Junyi. If I know you you'll flitter about indecisively before happily jumping to the first group that extends an invitation," Guo Jia said, finally putting his brush to paper.

Zhang He blinked and was about to retort when he considered it and nodded. "Yeah, that sounds about right."

Meanwhile in the local tavern, four people had taken a table and were currently in the middle of a tense-filled silence. Zhou Yu, flanked by Lu Su, had been informed of what Sima Yi had called him here for and was not sure whether it would be helpful or detrimental to him in the long run. Sima Yi, accompanied by Jiang Wei, was intent on showing Zhou Yu that his way was the best way. Heck, his way was ALWAYS the best way.

Sima Yi only wished that they had been able to procure a more private place. As of the moment Zhou Yu's ardent female fanbase in the village had already shown up and swarmed the tables around them. Zhou Yu didn't seem to notice, or was willfully ignoring them. Sima Yi sighed and supposed that it couldn't be helped.

"Sima Yi, you know the two of us haven't exactly been bosom friends," Zhou Yu said levelly to the perpetually sneering face of the scholar in front of him. "What makes you think I would willingly team up and share command of a group with you?"

"Because I know that both of us would prefer to be trampled by wild beasts than to join Zhuge Liang's team. It would be torture to put up with, or even worse, take orders from that miserable country fodder," Sima Yi said.

"True," Zhou Yu conceded.

"If you don't mind me asking," Jiang Wei suddenly spoke up, "Why do you and Zhou Yu seem to dislike Zhuge Liang so much, Zhongda?"

The two of them looked at him like he had just asked why falling rain wet the ground or why trees grew upwards instead of horizontally. Presently Lu Su cleared his throat. "Er, Jiang Wei, let's go and order some drinks, okay?"

"All right," Jiang Wei said, still confused but getting up and following the older boy towards the bar.

At the bar Lu Su asked a waitress to fetch them some drinks and then turned to Jiang Wei. "You know, in some ways they say that ignorance is bliss, but I would say that when it comes to the matter of Gongjin and Sima Yi's dislike for Zhuge Liang, it's best not to question them about it."

"Why? What happened that caused such a riff?" Jiang Wei persisted.

Lu Su sighed. "All right, I'll tell you, just promise not to bring it up in front of either Gongjin or Sima Yi, understood?" Jiang Wei nodded eagerly. "Fine, it was a year ago, the first time the three of them had ever met..."

Flashback.

A striking Zhou Yu on horseback strode up to the middle of the marketplace. It seemed at that moment that every female head in attendance swiveled around by some odd magnetic force to ogle him. He came to a stop, jumped off the horse and called out to a boy about his age dressed in long robes with a cap on his head. "You, tell me where I can find the Master Still Water."

Sima Yi, not happy at having been disturbed from browsing around and being spoken to like a commoner, turned to him with a scowl. "You'd do well to develop some manners. Is that how you address someone of higher rank? Ask for forgiveness at once!"

Zhou Yu tossed his head back proudly. "Higher rank? Who exactly are you to claim that? You don't look well-versed enough to tend to my horse, let alone anything else."

"Why you insolent braggart, you're but a crack in the sidewalk compared to me!" Sima Yi declared, puffing out his chest and going to stand toe to toe with the other boy. He wasn't quite as tall, but he made do.

While they had been insulting each other a third boy had appeared. This one was dressed in simple white and green robes, waving a feather fan to ward off the heat and walking with the dreamy air of someone who was not concerned of where he was going. Zhuge Liang walked on until a little girl running by tripped and fell over, dropping her doll in the process. He smiled and bent over to pick her and the toy up. "Here you go," he said, giving the doll back to her.

As he did that he accidentally tripped up a baker carrying a tray of hard rolls. The baker gave yell and the tray went flying, sailing right into a crate of chickens. The crate toppled off its stand and burst open, sending chickens and a storm of feathers right into the middle of the marketplace. If that wasn't enough, one of the chickens sped in front of a man driving a cart holding a bunch of large containers. The horse reared, the containers tumbled out and unleashed a sea of cloth dye, splashing out onto the two arguing figures. The streets ran red, green, blue and purple that day.

Sputtering and supporting a very odd tie-dyed look, a blue-faced Zhou Yu, with more than a few feathers in his hair, and a green and red-faced Sima Yi glared at the person responsible. Zhuge Liang blinked and looked back at them. "Oops."

End flashback.

"And you have to understand that in the days that followed Zhuge Liang proved himself to be a great tactician, a keen observer of the stars and extremely knowledgeable about geography, classical texts and the like," Lu Su said. "All that despite his, well, tendency to nap in class."

Jiang Wei looked startled at that. "He what?"

"Sleeps in class," Lu Su repeated. "Surely you noticed earlier today, he was sleeping on Xu Shu's shoulder."

In fact Jiang Wei did, but he thought it may have just been that Zhuge Liang was still trying to recover from a big night. "So he... NAPS in every class?"

"Uh, yeah, pretty much," Lu Su said with a shrug. "In fact naps may be too weak a term... sleeps through it would be more appropriate. I think he may be a hypersomniac. Lu Meng thinks he's narcoleptic, but he seems to be able to control his sleeping spells well enough."

Jiang Wei shook his head in disbelief. The barmaid had served their drinks at the table long ago. Lu Su pulled Jiang Wei by the arm. "Come on, let's go back."

When they got back to where Zhou Yu and Sima Yi were, the two had not touched the beverages and seemed even unaware that Lu Su and Jiang Wei had rejoined them, or even left them for that matter. "I will agree to this on the strict condition that everything done by the group is sanctioned by both of us," Zhou Yu insisted firmly.

"Of course," Sima Yi said in a near mocking tone that caused Zhou Yu to narrow his eyes. "Is it settled then?"

"Fine," Zhou Yu agreed, finally pouring himself a cup of wine. "I have already gotten Lu Su, Lu Xun and Lu Meng to join me. How about you?"

Sima Yi looked a little uncomfortable as he admitted, "It is just Liang Fei and myself so far."

"Jiang Wei," this time it was Lu Su who corrected him.

Zhou Yu sighed. "Fine, so that leaves us with six people. That's half of the class already. Do you think we should still try to get someone else and leave the other team with a handicap?"

At that moment that door opened and Zhang He swept in with a flourish. He caught the group and waved. "Gongjin, Zhongda! Just the people I wanted to see! Now, I wanted to talk to you about the groups..."

"We're full," Zhou Yu and Sima Yi immediately said in unison. It would be one of the few decisions that the two would ever agree on.


	6. Filler China's Next Top Strategist 1

Every now and then I'll be breaking up the narrative to insert little filler chapters based on a crazy idea that I had to pit the characters in a Top Model-like competition to determine the best strategist. I toyed with making it a separate fic, but since it's related so closely to 'Very Good' I decided to just stick it within the story. So I give you the fruit of my questionable labor. Enjoy.

Date Uploaded: 30 March 2008

**Chapter 06: Filler Chapter – China's Next Top Strategist (Part 1)**

An opening montage aired to the tune of 'Wanna Be On Top?' First it showed Pang Tong setting the outskirts of a village ablaze by accident, then Xu Shu and Lu Meng running forward quickly with a hose to put it out. Next showed Guo Jia and Lu Xun deeply engrossed in a chess game, only to be interrupted when Zhang He sashayed over to model an haute couture gown for them. Then there was Yue Ying, Jiang Wei and Deng Ai trying to shove Lu Su into a working model of a Juggernaut. Finally a scowling Zhou Yu, a sneering Sima Yi and a peacefully smiling Zhuge Liang stood facing each other.

The screen dissolved to a room decorated with flowery screens and other traditional Chinese ornamentation. A long table that would sit the panel dominated the middle of the room. The show began.

A lilting voice came on and an all too familiar figure adorned with butterfly wings stepped up. "Welcome to China's Next Top Strategist. Today we bring together the finest young minds in order to determine who wins the coveted prize of being ranked together with the great strategists of old, such as Sunzi and Wu Qi and, well... I really can't remember that far back to be honest. So join me, your host Zhang He, as we determine who will be China's Next Top Strategist!"

"This is STUPID," a loud voice objected.

Zhang He turned to see Sima Yi standing in front of the group of mostly unwilling contestants. "Why my dear Zhongda, exactly what do you mean?" Zhang He inquired.

"I mean that his is idiotic, moronic, asinine, absolutely STUPID," Sima Yi repeated emphatically, gesturing sharply around the set with his black feather fan. "Who exactly sanctioned this utterly ridiculous idea? And why the hell are YOU the host??"

"Well they did want me to a contestant, but I managed to convince them that my style and flair would be best suited to hosting duties," Zhang He said, tossing his hair back.

"Who exactly are THEY??" Lu Xun asked.

"I think this may be one of those rhetorical things, like when people refer to forces outside their nature or whoever killed Kenny," Lu Meng said.

"Must be those same forces that dropped me into this fanfic a couple of chapter too early," Deng Ai mused.

Lu Meng started. "Hey, that's right… I was wondering where you came from. So, that's a spoiler right there then."

"I would suppose so," Deng Ai said.

"Well I have to agree with Sima Yi," Zhou Yu spoke up and getting the group to face Zhang He again. "I think this is a complete waste of time. I demand that we get back to our actual story line instead of this pseudo reality show rip-off."

"I think this actually may be fun in a way," Yue Ying suddenly piped up.

"I concur," Zhuge Liang agreed with a lazy wave of his own fan. "It certainly wouldn't hurt to take a break and have some fun, healthy competition."

"Have some fun? I'm willing to bet that whatever your idea of fun is, you'll still manage to fall asleep in the middle of it," Zhou Yu said scathingly. "I say we call off this whole thing and go home. Who's with me?"

"I understand if you're unwilling to match wits with the rest of us, Gongjin," Zhuge Liang said smoothly. "One mark of a good strategist, after all, is to be able to gauge whether a victory is possible or not."

"Are you insinuating that I would be unable to beat you??" Zhou Yu seethed. Zhuge Liang's reply was to give a shrug that could have meant anything.

"Don't play into his hands!" Sima Yi hissed warningly.

"Well then you walk away!" Zhou Yu snapped at him. He turned back to Zhuge Liang. "All right, Kongming, you're on. I declare right now that at the end of the competition I will be the one left standing!"

"What are we, chopped liver?" Pang Tong remarked.

"All the better to sit back and coast while we watch the competition," Deng Ai said. "No sense getting worked up too early."

Meanwhile Zhang He was tapping his foot impatiently. "Well, are we done with the whining and bitching?"

"No, Junyi, you've yet to start," Guo Jia said quietly, drawing snickers from Lu Xun and Xu Shu.

Fortunately Zhang He didn't hear it and he clapped his hands excitedly. "All right, we can start then! First I'd like to introduce to you your judges, aside from moi, of course."

"You're a judge too?" Xu Shu groaned. "We are so screwed..."

"First off we have the first Emperor of Wei, the delectably villainous Cao Pi!" Zhang He said, lifting his hands to greet Cao Pi as the son of Cao Cao entered the room and went to take his seat.

"What??" Zhou Yu exclaimed, although Sima Yi looked satisfied at that choice.

"Give me a break, Zhou Yu," Cao Pi snapped. "Due to the fact that this story has screwed around with all the timelines, these filler chapters are the only times I'm able to make an appearance."

"Am I the only one who's really confused?" Jiang Wei piped up.

"Anyway, moving on," Zhang He said impatiently. "Next is the man who was dubbed 'Little Conqueror', the always delightful Sun Ce!"

The eldest son of Sun Jian entered, grinning from ear to ear. "Hey, Gongjin!" he called out to Zhou Yu.

"Bofu, what are you doing here?" Zhou Yu asked.

"Well it looked like it would be a fun, easy gig, Bro," Sun Ce said with a shrug as he took the seat beside Cao Pi. "Besides, don't you think it wouldn't hurt you to have me here with the judges?"

"Would it be too early to cry 'nepotism'?" Lu Xun commented.

"Now, now, everything's fair in love and war, so why should it be any different here?" Zhang He said with a smile. "Now for the next judge…" he looked at his card and made a face. "What the hell? How did this battleaxe get in here??"

"You'd better not be talking about my mom there, Junyi," Xu Shu said sorely, remembering Zhang He's not too favorable reaction upon meeting his mother. And then something hit him. "Crap, please tell me you really AREN'T talking about my mother," he pleaded, stricken.

"Oh relax, Shan Fu," Zhang He said, emphasizing Xu Shu's alias with a roll of his eyes. "It's not your mom, it's," he gave a great sigh and spoke in a semi-whisper, "someone who probably shouldn't have made it into Dynasty Tactics," his voice returned to normal, "Lu Ling Qi."

At that the figure of a tall woman dressed mostly in black and silver armor with a pretty if not severe face stalked out. Lu Ling Qi, Lu Bu's prized daughter, glared at Zhang He scornfully. "What exactly is your problem with me, Butterfly-Boy? You've done nothing but snicker and make snide little comments every time we're within ten feet of each other!"

"It's nothing personal, my dear," Zhang He said, avoiding eye contact. "I simply find you a boorish, ungraceful troll unbefitting a lady of such high stature. But then again I suppose that comes with the territory seeing who your father is."

Lu Ling Qi shook a fist in his direction. "Oh yeah? Do you wanna come over here and say that??" she challenged.

"Maybe we should take advantage of this distraction and sneak out," Lu Xun suggested.

"And miss seeing Zhang He possibly get his ass kicked by Lu Ling Qi? Forget it," Pang Tong said, seemingly content to sit back and watch the chaos unfurl.

Zhang He ignored Lu Ling Qi's rude hand gesture, which really was quite unbecoming on a lady, and went back to his hosting duties. "And lastly, our final judge is someone we are all well-acquainted with and respect. Our master, the ever wise Still Water, Sima Hui."

To everyone's surprise, Sima Hui did appear from behind the screen and went to take his seat beside the still fuming Lu Ling Qi. "Hello, my students," he greeted warmly.

"Master Still Water," Yue Ying said, surprised. "You're a judge?"

"I thought it would be a good thing to observe how you are pitted against your peers," Sima Hui said, sitting contentedly back in his seat.

"But M-Master, you can't be serious," Sima Yi said in despair.

Sima Hui chuckled. "Of course I am. Now, you are all set to compete, right?"

"Of course," Zhou Yu said, confidently drawing himself up to his full height. "Still thinking of backing out, Sima Yi?"

"Of course not," Sima Yi snapped at him. "Fine, consider me part of this insane sideshow. Anything to wipe that haughty look off of your faces," he said to the class. "As for you, Zhuge Li—"

He stopped upon seeing that Zhuge Liang had once again nodded off, this time snoozing while propped up against a noticeably uncomfortable Lu Meng. "Somebody get him off of me," he said.

Guo Jia smiled as Xu Shu and Pang Tong went to try and rouse Kongming for the nth time. "I would say that that means we are all in, Master Still Water."

"Very good," Sima Hui said, nodding his head.

Zhang He clapped his hands in delight. "Wonderful! Then let the competition to determine China's Next Top Strategist begin!"


	7. Rude Awakenings

With the insertion of more characters, expect to me to get very confused. Anyway, on with the story!

Date Uploaded: 08 February 2009

**Chapter 07: Rude Awakenings**

Early the next morning Zhou Yu was contentedly catching a few last minutes of sleep when all of a sudden something heavy landed on top of him, giving a loud whoop. "Hey, Gongjin! Rise and shine, dude, smell that?" whereupon the thing on top of his bedspread took a deep breath. "Phew... smells like horse shit. Looks like your steed took a major dump outside your window."

"What...?" Zhou Yu blinked and peered, disgruntled, over the covers, trying to push off whoever was on top of him. "Who the hell...?"

Before he could say more the person had jumped off and then the futon was abruptly turned over, causing Yu to fly into a pile of books with a yell. A burst of laughter greeted his expletive. "Bro, are you going to get up or am I going to have to boot you out of the door too?"

Despite the fact that Zhou Yu was now seeing little Fledgling Phoenixes spinning around his head, he knew that there was only one person in all of China who referred to him as 'Bro'. He unearthed himself from under the covers and books and looked up in flabbergasted disbelief. "Bofu??"

Standing on top of his upside-down futon was the unmistakable form of Sun Ce. The heir apparent to the Wu kingdom grinned down at his sworn brother, hands on his hips. "Yep. Well don't fall all over yourself in excitement welcoming me to your little abode." He straightened up and looked around, surveying the jumble of bed covers, scattered books and scrolls from his own assault. "Kind of a mess, I have to say."

"Ce, I thought we talked about mauling me awake, specifically that I don't enjoy it as much as you do," Zhou Yu groaned, trying to get up.

Laughing boisterously, Sun Ce reached down and hauled him to his feet, immediately crushing him into a huge bear hug. "Man, it's been, what, five months? Jeez, I've missed you, bro! I tell you, putting silk worms in Huang Gai's jocks just isn't the same without you."

"Yes, Ce... it's nice to see you too," Zhou Yu gasped out, trying to squirm out of his best friend's iron grip. "I'd like to resume breathing now, please..."

Sun Ce mercifully let him go and Zhou Yu took the opportunity to take in a deep breath of air, only to promptly gag. "Ugh, goddamnit, you're right, that is horse shit. I've been telling Rosebud not to do his business there!"

"For god's sake, Gongjin, your horse is named Rosebud?" Ce asked, looking both perplexed and delighted that he had something more to rib his friend about.

"Oh wipe that grin off your face," Zhou Yu said sourly. "I didn't name the unfortunate thing. It's a long story."

"I have time," Ce said, flopping down onto the messed up futon and clasping his hands behind his head.

"Yes, maybe, but I don't," Yu said, only noticing that he was now at least fifteen minutes late. He began to scramble around for his clothes and the supplies he would need for class that day.

"Aw, c'mon, dude," Ce whined, beginning to toss one of Zhou Yu's books into the air and catching it. "I just got here, can't you take a day off or something and show me around? What do you do for fun in this dump?"

"I can't do that," Zhou Yu said, pulling his shoes on and nearly falling over in the process. He stopped for a moment and regarded Sun Ce suspiciously. "Wait, Bofu, what are you doing here?"

"Long story. And I think you just said you didn't have time for those," Ce answered a little too quickly.

Zhou Yu frowned, giving his sworn brother a gauging look. Ce studiously ignored him and whistled as he continued to play catch with the book. Yu reached over and grabbed it in midair. "Well, whatever the case, I'm late," he said.

"Hey, what am I supposed to do while you're gone??" Sun Ce called out as Yu headed out the door.

"Acquaint yourself with Rosebud!" Zhou Yu called back as he bounded out of the dormitory.

*******

Meanwhile, as Zhou Yu was hurrying out of his dorm, a small cluster of the other students was walking farther ahead. "Fengxiao, really, I must protest, I had a wash this morning. I really can't smell as bad as you purport," Lu Meng couldn't help but joke.

"Very funny," Guo Jia said, his voice muffled as he was talking through the handkerchief pressed up to his nose and mouth. Lu Su gave him a curious look but said nothing.

"Well surely it can't be me," Zhang He sniffed, looking a little put off. "In fact I have a new scent I've just tried out today. Can you guys smell it?" he leaned over and presented his neck to Lu Meng.

"Ugh, man, yes, I can smell it! I've been smelling it the moment you wafted down the street!" Meng said, backing away quickly. "In fact, I'm pretty sure that the chicken that just keeled over and died half a block back inhaled enough to poison its system!"

Zhang He rolled his eyes and twirled a strand of hair back into place. "Really, Ziming, sometimes you can be quite juvenile." Undeterred, he smiled at Lu Su. "How about you, Zijing? Want a sniff?"

"I'm good," Lu Su said quickly, also taking a step back.

Zhang He turned back to Guo Jia and asked, "Anyway, I'm not the reason you're covering up, am I, Fengxiao?"

"Partly," was Guo Jia's muffled answer.

Lu Meng snickered as Zhang He looked crestfallen. "But you said you liked it earlier."

"In small, concentrated doses, Junyi, not when you've immersed yourself in it," Guo Jia said, coughing into his handkerchief. "But the bigger reason why I've covered up is that there is something going around here and I fear I may catch it. It's already put out Lady Huang. The fact that we were all doused with water yesterday does not help either."

"Fengxiao, it's just a cold," Lu Su said. "Surely this type of precaution is a bit much."

"Probably for you," Guo Jia said scornfully. "But the moment that gets into my system it might as well be the plague. It would wipe me out."

"You exaggerate," Lu Meng said, grinning. "In fact, it would be better that you catch it now than when it really goes around the class and gets blown into massive proportions. Here, let me help you out," with that being said he then fired a loud sneeze in Guo Jia's direction.

This caused Jia to let out a stifled screech behind his handkerchief, and he would have stumbled backwards into a ditch if Lu Su had not grabbed his free hand and steadied him. Lu Meng laughed and then ran off towards class.

"Oh, I'm going to be ill tonight," Guo Jia said, already looking pale.

"Don't be silly," Zhang He chided, brushing something off his shoulder. "Now, tell me, exactly what do you mean by 'immersing' myself in it? Because, honestly, I just put a dab behind each ear..."

Fortunately before Guo Jia could push Zhang He himself into the ditch, Zhou Yu came running up, panting and straightening his clothes. "Oh good, does this mean I'm not late?"

"Why are you rushing this morning?" Guo Jia asked as he once again pressed his handkerchief to his nose and mouth. "You're usually one of the most prompt people in class."

"I had an unexpected visitor," Zhou Yu said dryly.

"Ah, yes, Lord Sun Ce told me that he wanted to surprise you this morning," Lu Su said. "You must have been happy to see him."

"I would have been happier had his methods of waking me up didn't include tendering bruises all over my body," Zhou Yu said. "Wait, you were the one who let him in?"

"Of course," Lu Su said. "He is your dearest friend after all. And he threatened to give me an atomic wedgie if I didn't. I'm not exactly sure what that is, but it sounds rather painful."

"It is," Zhou Yu muttered, absently rubbing his backside.

At that moment a carriage appeared at the junction between two roads. The four young men stopped and let it pass them by, Guo Jia and Zhou Yu examining it closely. As there were few visitors to the small village it was easy to spot what didn't belong there, and this carriage was one of them. It was simple but of sturdy make, pulled by two brown and white mares and attended to by about half a dozen men. Despite the fact that it had been made up as unobtrusively as possible, the way the attendants brushed past them with an air of importance showed that whoever were the occupants were not people with trifling merit.

As Zhou Yu watched, one of the curtains in the carriage parted a bit to reveal a pair of dazzling hazel eyes, part of a rosy, unblemished cheek and pink lips. He stood there, transfixed, as this partly hidden creature's eyes crinkled into a smile upon seeing him, and then the curtain was pulled back again.

"Probably persons of standing just passing through," Lu Su said as the carriage passed them and they were finally able to cross.

"Probably," Guo Jia mused, but didn't look convinced.

Zhang He turned to Zhou Yu, caught his glassy expression and waved a hand in front of the ridiculously handsome man's face. "Gongjin? Wake up, you look like you've just been struck by lightning! Oh dear, it's happened, hasn't it? The realization that you can't be forever young and beautiful has sunk in! Not to worry, I have a new cream I've procured that does wonders on regressing the horrors of aging!"

Zhou Yu finally snapped out of it and gave Zhang He a scornful look. "What are you talking about? Honestly, keep your liquids and creams to... what is that SMELL??"

Guo Jia sputtered into a laugh behind his handkerchief, as Zhang He huffily crossed his arms over his chest and fixed Zhou Yu with a glare. Lu Su thought to remedy the situation quickly. "I'm afraid to say that if we don't hurry we will be late for class."

"Well let's go then, shall we?" Zhou Yu said, taking the lead so as not to have to deal with Zhang He any further. "I don't want to have to sit next to Zhuge Liang, Pang Tong or Sima Yi."

The four of them reached the little farmhouse that substituted as their classroom, where inside they found that the only five seats left available were beside a sour-looking Sima Yi, Pang Tong, who was planning a farting contest with Lu Meng later in the day, and a snoozing Zhuge Liang. Zhou Yu groaned. He knew for certain now that today would definitely not be his day.


End file.
